Letting a Family Be a Family

“Family first” families believe that the family’s happiness and sense of togetherness should come before everything else. Their decisions will favor family equality and unity even at the expense of the business.

Differences in the quality and degree of family members’ contributions to the business will not be recognized. Everyone will be allowed to enter the business and will be compensated equally. This may lead to resentment by those who feel they work harder than other family members or have more responsibility and yet are being compensated the same.

Many times families in business feel the business can be a liability to the family and its individual members when the business takes up too much space and time in the life of the family. Consultants often hear complaints that all anyone in the family ever talks about is the business. Family members who aren’t active in the business often feel left out. Sometimes they even feel like they’re not important to the family.

Families in business need to keep the family strong and loyal. It is important to create a sense of community among shareholders, especially when the family is large and dispersed. The family leaders need to place a priority on making time to have fun, to help each other, and to talk about their lives outside the business.

In other words, let the family have family time without the intrusion of the business. One technique for doing this is to create a context where family members can explore their values as a family and to look at how they can express those values in their different roles. This will strengthen the family.

For example, family members who want to give back to the community can do that together as a family. Activities such as family vacations, reunions, philanthropic projects, family traditions, writing a family history and honoring individual achievements are all ways that the family leaders can develop the “human capital” of the family. The memories of these events create ties that bind: a sense of community that holds family members and their assets together for generations.

When the family fails to pay attention to its developmental needs, parents can become consumed with the business, neglect their children and create negative memories in the children about their parents’ business. That’s why it is not unusual for children to think that their father feels his business is more important than they are.

Ask yourself and talk to your family about:

• What is the purpose of family? 
• Why do we have family?
• What does family mean to us and how will that continue when our parents are gone?
• What family traditions do we want to preserve?
• How do we want the rest of the world to think about our family?

A third approach seeks a balance between “business first” and “family first.” This philosophy holds that any decision must provide for both the satisfaction of the family and the economic health of the business, and that only a good compromise will win the enthusiasm of the family and support for the business.

This implies a long-term commitment to the future of the business and the family and requires the family to creatively resolve conflicts between the two interests. Balancing family and business goals requires compromise, extra effort, planning and communication. But it may preserve the integrity of the business and serve the individual needs and interests of the family’s members.