There’s No Sadder Thing Than What Might have Been

By Leslie Dashew

As we enter the season of holidays, one underlying theme is the connection to family and people whom we love.  For those of us who are fortunate to be spending time with family members we enjoy and embrace, it is a time of fun, good food and cheer. 

For those who have lost someone this year, as we lost our dear friend and partner, Sam Lane, we reflect on our loss and the missing person at our table.  We think of what that person would have brought to our holidays and perhaps chuckle and feel the pain of the missing smile, joke or special dish that he or she always made.

For those who experience some conflict, resentments and hurts in the family, this can be a very difficult time as well.  Our ideal holiday season is diminished by the tension we expect to encounter or the lack of a holiday celebration with those who are our relatives. There is an expectation of spending holiday time with relatives in most cultures and when that doesn’t happen, our loss is brought to us with every holiday song, advertisement or date on the calendar that approaches that day. 

Then there is the New Year: a time of resetting the calendar to a year and a fresh page, perhaps a new beginning with new resolutions!  This is also a time when we look around and see who is there with us as we end one year and begin another.  It is often a time of reflection on our goals and plans and setting intentions for the coming year.  As we have said in our new book, The Keys to Family Business Success, planning is key to increasing the odds that our dreams will become reality. The clarity of vision that we develop for ourselves, our family and our business allows us to move forward, leading the way into the New Year, engaging the support of others.

Taking this opportunity to think about what you want in your life during the holidays and in the New Year is an important step to creating the life you want to lead.  So often when we have experienced a loss or a conflict, we feel victimized and unable to change the impact.  The gift you can give yourself (and perhaps others in the family) is to rethink that assumption and consider what you can do to lead your life toward one that is more fulfilling. 

Reaching out to those who have hurt you with forgiveness, seeking those whom you have missed to rejoin you, inviting a new acquaintance to become closer are all steps that take courage and can lead to a more fulfilling holiday season. (See Joe Paul’s note on one technique to do this).

The other choice may cause regret.  Many years ago I heard someone say, “There’s no sadder thing than what might have been.” This is a reminder that we never know how much time we have with someone…or even how much time we ourselves have left. 

My partners and I wish you courage, love  and forgiveness as you move into the often challenging and fulfilling days of December and great fulfillment in the year ahead.